What It Means To Have Words Of Affirmation As A Love Language

Do you and your wife put a lot of emphasis on the spoken and written word?


If they respond positively to sweet expressions of affection, congratulations, praise, and inspiration, it’s likely that words of affirmation are their main love language.

What exactly are affirmation words?

Any spoken or written words that affirm, encourage, uplift, and empathize with another person in a constructive way are referred to as affirmative words. One of the five love languages is words of affirmation, which are just different ways of sharing and accepting love in a relationship. According to marriage and family therapist Michele DeMarco, if anyone chooses words of affirmation as their love language, it’s because they think words matter and make them give a literal voice to how they feel internally.

Words of affirmation examples

Antonia Di Leo, LMFT, a couples therapist, shares several affirmative expressions that would help people feel loved and comfortable if their love language is words of affirmation:

I’m in love with you.
You have a special place in my heart.
I’m still crazy for you after all this time.
I was blown away when you…
Without you, I couldn’t have done .
You motivate me to….
Have I expressed my gratitude to you for being my partner?
You are deserving of all the accolades at work. I can see you’ve been working really hard.
I only wanted to express my admiration for you.
When you do, I really enjoy it…
If you need assistance, I am available. I’m still there for you, cheering you on.
When you… I feel so loved…
And… I am proud of you.
I’d like to thank you for all of your hard work in our house.
You have a fantastic appearance. Is it a different look for you?
I admire you for always giving it your everything, no matter what.
Seeing you taking care of makes my heart melt.
When you’re sleepy, I appreciate you doing .
Thank you for treating my family and friends with such kindness and love.
When you make me laugh, I’m the happiest.
When you smile, you have the cutest crinkles.
I find you to be very charming and beautiful.
I’m fortunate to have you as my wife.
I adore our lovely life together.
I adore the way your eyes light up when you…
Thank you for putting me at ease and making me feel loved.
You did a fantastic job with . Tell me something about what you’re talking about.
As a love language, words of encouragement.

Gary Chapman, Ph.D., a pastor and author, created the love language system after years of working as a marriage counselor with couples. He reasoned that while we all appreciate and feel five love languages in our relationships to some level—words of praise, quality time, acts of service, contact, and gifts—we all have one or two dominant forms for receiving and giving love. It should theoretically help you and your partner feel more seen and loved in your relationship if you figure out your and your partner’s governing love language styles.

“Love is the strongest and healthiest form of human bonding and belonging; it’s that generative’felt sense’ deep within that ties and binds us—emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually—to another person. Language is a system of symbols and rules that people use to express and share meaning; so, a love language, you might say, is how we communicate or share the deepest, most essential parts of ourselves with another person.”

In relationships, Di Leo asserts it’s important to explain what your love languages are with each other so you two can sync up with each other and align better. Other languages emphasize motion, touch, physicality, and time, while words of affirmation emphasize the importance of verbal speech. People who are passionate about affirming language are acutely aware of how strong and wonderful words can be. Words have the power to either tear someone down or lift them up. People who speak this love language will express their feelings for their loved ones by effusive sentences, terms of endearment, and sweet little nothings, which are just sweet little everythings, since written and spoken language speaks directly to their hearts.

Why do certain people need affirmation?

Strong feedback in the form of compliments or encouragement that sheds attention on what they achieved or how they are as an individual brings gratification to people that gravitate toward words of affirmation. Words can seem insignificant to others, but to people whose love language is affirmation, each word contains an ocean of sense and importance that works to reinforce or weaken the relationship’s ties.

“Using words of encouragement as a love language is more about appreciation,” DeMarco says. “It recognizes consistency over quantity and substance over beauty. It encourages empathy and kindness, enhances intimacy, and tends to keep us relaxed and happy.”

“It comes down to inclination—a person’s innate way of acting or feeling. Some people like to hear or read love’s essence, while others want to demonstrate rather than say. The emphasis here is less in the why and more in the that—especially that one knows one’s own inclination, as well as their partner’s,” she continues.

You’re dating someone who uses words of praise as their love language.

Don’t panic if words aren’t your thing and you’re dating someone who’s love language is encouragement. What counts is that when you sing, you pay attention to your words and get to the heart of why you love your partner.

Here are a few pointers to use while using affirmation words:

1. They should be expressed often.

Take the time to be eloquent without being deceptive or saying something just to say them. If you have an opportunity to inspire them in every way, take advantage of it. Chapman compares learning love languages to filling a love tub. Consider this: If you refill their need for affirmation (with the right juice! ), they would be filled with appreciation and approach the relationship from a position of expansiveness as they feel validated.

2. If speaking them aloud is difficult, write them down.

If telling them in person is difficult, you should still use the written word or emails, which allows you more time to measure out your vocabulary and make an impression. More important than repeating a line from a movie or copying and pasting a poem from the internet is the process of crafting an extremely detailed and customized post. When it comes from the center, it will be valued infinitely more.

3. It’s just about the words. Both the positive and the poor.

“Words count,” DeMarco says, referring to both positive and negative words. “People are open to what’s being said, not just how it comes out; meaning is all, so pick your words deliberately and mindfully in the moment. Slow down. Think before you talk. Choose your words wisely.”

4. Be true to who you are.

They have already fallen in love with who you are as a human if they want you as a partner. Don’t worry if you’re not a natural wordsmith. If you aren’t naturally articulate in your speech, it’s natural to be tongue-tied. DeMarco advises being true to yourself. Get imaginative, be witty, and use your voice to express yourself. “Show that you know them specifically, what they need to feel loved,” she advises. “Love isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation; pay attention to what your partner reacts to.”

5. Find out which vocabulary your mate prefers.

“Understanding what sort of meaningful expressions talk explicitly to your mate is the trick with words of affirmation,” Di Leo says. Some may want comments that aren’t about their looks and just focus on their accomplishments, or they just like more recognition on a daily basis. It’s important to get away from the theory’s generalities to concentrate on being hyper-targeted with your partner so that you can turn up in your relationship in the manner that they need you to, on a personal basis.

6. Experiment of new ideas.

Stick Post-it notes on the mirror, send them a sweet text message, or compose a silly song for them. “Not only will your companion be grateful, but they will remember it as courageous and sincere,” DeMarco says. “While your partner’s need for words is not necessarily your natural strength of comfort zone, they won’t expect perfection. Rather, they’ll be appreciative of your effort that much more.”

How to request more words of approval from others.

Are you the kind that expresses love by words of affirmation? Here’s how to tell your buddy about it:

1. Don’t be shy about bringing it up.

All hinges on effective contact. You are delaying your own satisfaction the longer you wait to bring it up. “Don’t wait until you’re in a river of anger or a deluge of sorrow until you call for more words of affirmation,” says DeMarco.

2. Get an honest and open discussion about love languages.

Fishing for compliments or affirmation can be aggravating for your wife when it seems to be a complaint rather than a submission. Turn it into a dialogue in which you introduce interest and transparency to the table and clearly answer your request. When you see them making an effort, take the opportunity to compliment them so it doesn’t seem one-sided.

3. It’s all about how you do things.

“The idea is to make your partner realize how to communicate their affection and gratitude in the most responsive way for you,” DeMarco says. “Be straightforward about what you need, secure in your affect, and positive in your being.” Set a precedent by simply stating what you require and why you believe it would make you feel better in the relationship. This act of weakness, as well as your speaking up for your interests, will help to strengthen the relationship’s confidence.

 Finаlly, return the fаvor.

“Consider helping your pаrtner help you by leverаging their own love lаnguаge style. Speаk to people where they’re аt,” аdvises DeMаrco. If you’re аsking them to put in effort to help you feel more loved, creаte more possibility by аlso being proаctive to their own love lаnguаge аnd how they cаn feel loved. By putting forth conscious effort, the relаtionship will feel more trаnscendentаl in its limitlessness.

The bottom line.

If you’re reаding this becаuse you wаnt to show your pаrtner some love, tаke а moment to аpplаud yourself for embаrking on this pаth of intentionаlity аnd conscious loving. By tаking the time to celebrаte, support, аffirm, аnd reinvest your pаrtner with words of аffirmаtion, it will serve to invite more love into your life.


Paul Bate

Lives in London, is 26 and a graduate student who freelances for researching and writing reporter specialized in economics.

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